Living is an Action

“Most people have a full measure of life and most people just watch it slowly drip away. But if you can summon it all up, at one time, in one place, you can accomplish something, glorious. ” -Ramirez (Highlander 2)

The first Highlander movie was a masterpiece. It was a tale of the spiritual battle between good and evil and it examined what life really is. Yeah, these immortals go around the world decapitating each other in the almighty quest to be “the one”, the last immortal on earth and win “the prize”, which nobody really knew exactly what it is specifically to be. But they did know that “the prize” would give the winner unimaginable power, and could therefore very well shape the world for good or for ill.

By looking at the idea of immortality (and the illusion of it, they all could be dead in the hands of another immortal at any time) Highlander is a curious investigation in what it really means to live and how hard it can be.

The second Highlander movie was a puddle of donkey puke. It had really bad acting and horrible writing. The production values were cheesy, and the whole story was convoluted and contrived. But there was that one scene where Sean Connery’s character Ramirez, says the quote on the top of the page. “Most people have a full measure of life, and most people simply watch it slowly drip away.”

Many people do have a full measure of life, many people are able to live until old age these days. I can’t speak for the rest of humanity, but I know a few ways to watch my life drip away, from excessively watching too many TV shows, or spending too much time in front of the computer, or staying in my room thinking about a better life instead of actually going out and living.

Living is a verb, its an action, so to really make your life happen you must act. But living can be hard- it takes courage to go out and meet people in a strange land. It takes effort to start going to the gym. It takes curiosity to be introspective and honesty to look at what one can do to change their life, and a lot of strength to go out and use that knowledge. Much easier to sit and watch another episode of Family Guy.

I am not knocking TV or entertainment, it is great to be entertained, within reason of course. Excessive distractions do just that, distract oneself from examining and taking action which can make life better. The irony of Highlander was that the protagonist Conner MacLeod, didn’t really need to fear getting cancer, or dying from a car accident, or becoming crippled for life. But from losing so many people, from not having anyone to relate to, life became too hard to participate in fully. Why make friends when they will just die eventually? Humans are social creatures and even the immortals were humans, so they needed the strength and commitment and flexibility and an openness to the possibility of getting hurt, because otherwise they are just lonely old people in extremely durable bodies.

There are so many ways of getting hurt; being rejected by someone you love, losing someone through illness or an accident, even the daily grind of life can just break some emotional or physical ligament and everything seems to unravel. What then? Do you choose to repair the damage, and pick yourself up and jump into the whirlwind again? Or do you simply sit down, hurt, and exhausted and grow inflexible and fat and immovable?

I am young, so change seems easier. A man wiser than I named Jerry Weintraub wrote, “When the game changes, you have to change with it. The more you change, the more you risk in order to survive -and it gets harder and scarier as you get older.” But to live one has to put themselves through all the change of the world, and do stuff and think and move. When people can learn how to control themselves, and learn how to have a measure of confidence, then yes, those glorious things Ramirez talks about can be willed into the world. But it takes a willingness to live, and participate in a very painful education.

The Alpha Curse

Mad Men is a great show that examines the 1960′s in a really unique way. Most movies, books and other forms of media tackle the fight for civil rights for minority groups, or the start of Vietnam, or the rise of the hippy generation. One of the great things about “Mad Men” is that it looks at the core of what the younger generation was lashing against, the corporate mentality, elitism, sexism, racism, and whatever other ism you can think of. The show even tackled  disabilities in season three when one of Don’s flings had a brother with epilepsy.

The world isn’t fair, that is what the show shows in many ways. For instance, Pete Campbell is this scheming douche who is able to live life in a fairly sheltered; way while people like Peggy Olson have to fight for every little thing. Yes, her rise from secretary to copywriter has been phenomenal. However, she is still getting paid less than the other copywriters.

“Mad Men” is interesting for other reasons, it’s interesting how the show affects the audience, especially men of my generation. There is a website What Would Don Draper Do?. Draper is the James Bond of TV, without the cool gadgets and need for violence and still gets the girl and is able to sleep on a “bed of money”. He is able to construct sentences with the ease of Micheal Jordon performing a slam dunk. His ability is to grab bits of  his mind, disassemble it and verbally put it together so that the world looks a little more dream like, a little better.

Don Draper is an interesting character to be held in high esteem. He is a narcissist, a womanizer, a class A liar. He is able to waltz into a room, pluck a girl, take her to his house, bang her seven ways to Sunday and then discard her like a piece of trash, all while looking like he still has a soul.

Don Draper is like Dr. House, except his mistakes don’t kill people. He is Nick Naylor in Thank You For Smoking, he is Joel in Community. These characters are elites at something; like solving puzzles or being persuasive, and are very vain (except House). None of these people particularly care about the people around them; they really just care about doing what they do because they are great at it. Dr. House only does the cases that are “interesting”, while Donald Draper does what he does for money and the ability to have a woman like Besty,  and Joel was a vain lawyer who has no interest in helping others, but rather enjoys his profession if allows him to afford expensive stuff like 3,000 dollar faucets. Nick Naylor sums up the pride these people have in their work when he is asked why he works for Big Tobacco. His response? “Why sir, because if you can do tobacco you can do anything.”

Yet, more than a few men want to be House, or the Draper. They want people to have to respect them no matter their flaws or arrogant behavior towards others. They want the women, and the freedom brilliance supposedly brings. Yet, House has no control over his life outside of medicine. Draper’s marriage crumbled in season 3 so badly that it threatened his very existence. Naylor works, “Just to pay his mortgage.” he has no friends or really any ability to form friendships with people who will be there through thick and thin. There is no security in any of their lives.

“Mad Men” and “House” are perhaps the two most potent shows on TV right now that examine alpha male characters being very  flawed people despite their brilliance. House doesn’t even try to be a better human, because he is so good at his job and nothing matters. But both Draper and House are afraid of being lonely, deathly afraid. House will do anything to keep his only friend Wilson in his fold, and Draper married one of his underlings very quickly after his divorce with Betty.

Personally, I applaud competence and think good works should be amply rewarded. I also think the best leaders are the ones that treat others well, and are quick to point out other people’s victories and achievements. To live with the core fear these people have, the core insecurities, is a very heavy burden. In many ways Draper and Co. are the authors to their own misery. I wouldn’t  mind having any of these peoples intellectual gifts, but only if I can manage my ego enough to have the trust, and good will towards other people like Elwood P. Dowd demonstrates in Harvey.

The Artist Revolution!

Gladwell, Malcolm Gladwell wrote this amazing New Yorker Piece on the myth that talent is for the young. What really intrigued me was the idea of the Patron. Someone who has money and is willing to pay an artist enough money to live and make art is a Patron. It has been a dynamic between the rich and the artist for hundreds of years. But in the now, the people can be patrons and create culture and art with much, much more influence than the well heeled ever could in the past through projects like Kickstarter. Over the last few months the power of modern technology allowing the masses to do extraordinary things for art has been showcased like never before through two very different artist, whose artistic paths could not be more differ net; Rich “The Giant” Burlew and Amanda Palmer.

Rich “The Giant” Burlew, is a comic artist, and D&D Geek who created the epic stick-figure masterpiece, Order of the Stick. OOTS as it is affectionately called by fans (including me) is a Dungeons and Dragon story that humorously looks at the ironies and idioms of D&D. This comic isn’t all humor, as it also highlights humanities dark side and tendencies towards warfare, racism, the intoxicating nature of power to name a few. I consider it nothing less than a masterpiece, it combines humor with wit. What many consider kindergarten artwork (its not, really, its not) is combined with storytelling that only master can craft. This is a comic that can be enjoyed by people who don’t even play D&D (but it helps). Burlew has been creating this masterpiece for over nine years. He has self published a collection of seven books of books. He has a loyal following. How loyal? When he decided that he wanted to reprint some of his books, and since he is a self published author he needed to raise money. To do that, he used Kickstarter, asking to raise only 50,000 dollars. I say only, because his fans donated over 1 million dollars by the time the Kickstarter was over. 1.2 million in fact. He can reprint his entire collection and then some, maybe hire a few people (I am looking for work!).

If Burlew is your run of the mill exceptional geek. Okay, that sounds awkward, and wrong, but he is basically a geek at heart who has turned his passion into a living and has won many patrons. Then Amanda Palmer is loud, opinionated, in your face rocker woman of awesome! She is awesome because she is out there being herself and doing things that most people would write off because of fear. She actually was under a label for a while, and earned good press from the mainstream channels, and basically rocked it out! But then she decided that she didn’t want to be under a contract, or work for a label. She got out of that, and started to sell her music in pay what you think its worth fashion (NSFW), like Radiohead did. She has a huge online presence of over 50,000 twitter followers, and a very insightful highly read blog. Yesterday, she started her own Kickstarter Campaign to launch a new record, a book and a tour, asking for a pitiful sum of 100,000 thousand dollars, and 30 days to raise it. She broke the 100 grand mark in 11 hours. I have not listened to much of her music, although its easy to find her you-tube videos. That said, I love her energy, passion, and go get em tiger attitude that she practically flings off her online presence that you can’t help but get a little excited about life yourself. She is like an energizer bunny on crack, flying to the center of the universe while she sings. She is just buzz.

The Giant and Amanda Palmer are two totally different kind of artists. They work in different mediums, they have completely different online persona’s. Rich is a bit of a recluse, Amanda is just out there. But they both worked hard to create art that people actually are willing to pay for. Both artist busted their tails in creating a symbiotic relationship with their fan-base that combined with technology enabled quality art to be shared with the world as well as create new ways of creating wealth for themselves. It will be interesting to see how this evolves, and how other artist will try to take advantage of this era, as well as how consumers will react to this closer relationship with the people who entertain them.

Links:

The Giant in the Playground: www.giantitp.com

Amanda Palmer: http://www.amandapalmer.net/content/news/

Kickstarter: http://www.kickstarter.com/

Finding My Songs.

“But I’ll know my songs well before I start singin’ .” Bob Dylan  A Hard Rain’s a-Gonna Fall

Today, every blog on the stinking world has a post about passion. Okay, maybe not EVERY one, but more than I can count. Passion is a word I am weary of. People ask me “What is your passion? What do you want to do?” The answer quite frankly: I know my passion, I don’t know what I want to do, I need to explore!

A better question for me to answer is, “Who am I?” I believe Dylan is saying he will sing when he knows who he is. People respect and follow people who know who they are. The people who are sure of their own self worth are able to command higher prices in life, receive more love and explore more of the universe, because they can elucidate what they can and will do and do it. Its the unsure sap who has a harder time getting girls, raises, and fun. People that know who they are are not afraid to try new things, to fail and learn, and grow. The smart ones figure just knowing who they are, their core being, doesn’t mean they know everything to be experienced and learn in this mind boggling, incredibly fascinating universe.

Yet, there is something admirable about people who find their niche and niche the heck out of it. As if one of the paths of enlightenment is to find the essence of a piece of sand. By exploring that they come to realize that everything from the mountains to the skyscrapers, to the sky itself is being explored by looking deeper into the essence of that grain of sand. People like Jiro Ono, who dedicated his life to sushi. He is way beyond just making sushi, he is exploring the complexity of life itself. People like Bob Dylan, possibly one of the most fluid and shape-shifting icons in the last 100 years, still sings on the stage, still plays with sounds and words and meaning. He knows who he is, music may be his passion, but at core he is a storyteller with stunning insights, and no matter what, nothing can take his hard earned knowledge away from him.

Another American icon that plays with his passion, but knows at heart he is an explorer of the human condition is Martin Scorsese. He has directed heavily violent movies such as, Taxi Driver, The Departed, he directed documentaries such as, No Direction Home or The Last Waltz, and finally, recently went on the exact opposite side of the fictional violence in Hugo.

His love of cinema is a passion, but at his core, he is a storyteller and examiner of the human condition. His quest has taken him wide and far, and luckily he is able to show his explorations to the wider world, and in that process, enriching it.

So that begs the question, is knowing our passion a key to finding who we are, or is knowing who we are a key to finding our passion? Or are they separate issues all together?

And what about me? This my blog, I get to be as narcissistic as I want! When I was a tiny whippersnapper, I was a talker, and I still am a talker. People think talking is my passion. But no, my passion isn’t talking, its communicating. I am fascinated how people communicate through different cultures. I love how facial expressions for disgust and happiness are nearly universal, but how we give signs for approval or disapproval (like thumbs up signs or giving the finger) are not universal. How humans physically progress in sexual intimacy; going from “cold” parts of the body and working to the “warm” parts is nearly universal, although sexual kinks and what attracts us is so individual that snowflakes would be hard to be as special.

Communicating is a different thing than just talking, and just writing. Its a skill, and just because one can writing, or flap their mouth for hours on end doesn’t mean he or she can communicate. Just because the deaf can’t hear doesn’t mean they can’t communicate, although that erroneous assumption has survived for a long time, because people who are deaf usually cannot speak.

Technology has spawned new ways to communicate. How grandma uses a computer to communicate is very different than how a 12 year old punk on Gears of War over a PVP server communicates, which is different than how a business man in China might communicate. Even if every one of these groups just used email, the way they communicate with email would be wildly different. Just because they all have the same platform, doesn’t mean they all have the same ideas of how to use it.

The way Bob Dylan communicated with music is different than the way the Beatles did. The way a shaman might speak before an audience is incredibly different than the way a politician in America speaks before an audience.

My passions are numerous, technology, culture, communication, movies. But who am I? Well I have some bits and pieces, but I still want to explore, and so I will, and it will be fun.

No Job: Product of the Times? or a Product of Laziness?

Over the last month I have been able to live with people who are way outside of my usual social circle. I have lived with people who seem to be fine with doing no work or going to school to just dodge the recession. Most of my friends have jobs.

Most of my friends from college are doing great. They have jobs, are industrious and are living the life in the big east coast cities of Boston, NYC and Washington DC. They all have jobs doing things they believe in and are doing career level work, “grown-up work”. They are all incredibly capable people who are flying high and seemingly growing every day in terms of career advancement, social life, and experiences as young independent people.

On the other hand, in California, I stayed at a house with 6 people and only 2 had jobs. One man was in his later 30′s, the other worked from home as a marketing specialist. The rest of the house was either unemployed, or going to school with no clear idea if what they are studying is what they really want to do, in essence, getting a skill and hoping it works out. But everyone at that house is happy, they all are stress free, they all seem to be OK with where they are in life, even though they have no career path or prospects at this moment.

I on the other hand, have been looking for work since the time I graduated college. Okay, maybe I took a few months off, but once I figured that I need a job, and I REALLY want to work, I decided to go all out and look for work. I have been in three states, I have done my research on different career paths, I have worked in sandwich shops while job hunting for more career oriented work, and what do I have to show for it? A few gray hairs, no girlfriend, and basically, slowly going broke by the day.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t tried to grow, learn new things, and live life. I have continued to try to keep my speaking, writing, and critical thinking skills sharp. I have read a lot of books on everything from Permaculture to the Elegant Universe. I have started a peramaculture garden, helped plan and execute events, and traveled a bit. I have attended wine tastings, gone to Toastmasters, and looked for ways to be more social. I am restless. However, I am not getting paid, I am not getting the almighty professional experience needed to build a career, and I have been having a hard time creating an intimate social life because I never know where my job might be.

I don’t know, maybe I have not been looking for work hard enough, or maybe I have been unrealistic about getting a job. Like I said, I have friends that are happy to just live life as it is, and if a job comes later, great, but right now life is without one. I have other friends who are on the highway to creating their future, meeting people, doing things that impact the world, and getting paid for it. Both of these groups are rich; richer than I am, because they have friends they meet through work, or through living in houses with millions of people and they meet other people, and other people and their social network grows. They all have people they can fall on outside of their parents homes.

I have tried to have the, “it happens when it happens approach” but, I feel like I still need to put the effort out there. There are things I want to do, and they won’t just magically fall on my lap. But on the other hand, the stress, the waking up at 3 am thinking, “oh shit, where is my life going?” is slowly killing me, my heart hurts, it yearns for work and social stimulus and love.

I have to blend it, be actively looking for work- in moderation-  and not stress over it to the point where I will get an early heart attack. I realize even if I had a job, not all my problems will magically go away. The future is always going to be uncertain, I could be transferred to the moon! Or perhaps my best friend across the country might move over here! Or I  might be so busy I may not have time for a social life at all! Who knows!

One thing is for sure, I am not going to sacrifice my social life for the job hunt, or sacrifice the job hunt for my social life. Indeed, they are not mutually exclusive. I am ready for new beginnings, and I cannot look back at the past and say, “WTF MAN!” instead I should say, “Ok, I have learned a lot from a lot of different people, lets incorporate what works in my life.”

My friends who are working are doing what makes them happy, and my friends who are without jobs are doing what makes them happy, too. It is time for me to have the courage to do the same for myself. So, lets go network and lets go bowling, and lets go see movies and have BBQ’s and find a way to work on the Moon with Richard Bronson in 20 years! All in all, I will drink deeply from the well of life, who cares if I took sips before, it is time to go big.

New Adventures In A New Land!

So, its been a few days since I was supposed to fly back to the land of cherry’s n lakes, but I made a decision to stay in California and see if I can network my way into a job here. I decided to do this after three days of deliberation. Basically, I have nothing happening in the Midwest, and I met some pretty cool people here in the Bay Area. You only live once, right? So I thought to give it a shot. Right now its in the hard phase, I got to find a place to stay and I have to find a job. Either through networking, answering ads (which has NEVER worked for me) or jumping off a plane with an ad on my parachute (hire me!). Honestly I have good feelings about this place for several reasons:

1. I made some contacts that can help me find work. I am extremely grateful for the people I have met here and I will do them proud!

2. I like the area. San Francisco is a great city, they have wonderful food, an adequate public transportation system and plenty of sunshine!

3. I have some family members here. If I utterly fail (which I won’t) I at least have a few roofs that I can dwell under until I figure my stuff out.

Also, I have learned a lot about myself over the last few weeks. People have given me a lot of good feedback and I have shown that I am capable and they have told me so. Getting good feedback has boosted my confidence, and I don’t want to prove any of them wrong. So I am giving the SF Bay area a shot, I am going to make this work, and before I know it I will be flying high!

Then I can get enough money to buy a house in TC and be a Fudgy!

Centering Myself

Breath in… Breath out.

Time they say heals all wounds, but is it true? Or does it just obscure all wounds? Does time have magical bandages or does it have actual medicine?

The last three years I have been, emotionally, in a valley that is sandwiched between mountains. I have  trudged from peak to peak, exhausting myself with no clear reward. Trying to find the way to my own center, and invariably rising and falling, rather than finding the stream to the river that lets me explore more parts of myself. The stream is usually in the lowest part of the valley, and it runs outward. To that landscape which isn’t mapped yet, where monsters and girls, and treasure awaits. There are times where I thought I found the trickle of water, but either I turned back because it didn’t seem to lead to nowhere, or I just found a creek on a mountain that was independent to anything and didn’t lead to anywhere.

The first thing I have figured I need to do is center myself again. To take a deep breath, let the past mistakes and worries be carried out with my breath and be empty again. And then with a clear mind, look again. It doesn’t take much time, three hundred seconds are all you need.

I am centered, and I am in a great city right now. It is time to go hunting, and instead of going between peak to peak, look for the place where life grows, where frogs croak, where dragonflies dance, and then follow the flow for a little while, eventually there will be unexplored territory, and more tasks to do and more lessons to learn.

I am on my way!

Breath in…

Breath out…

 

It’s been a wild ride in SF

I have been in San Fransisco for a little over a week, doing a course on Tour Directing and its been a lot of work, but I have met some really great people and have had some good experiences. Although like the research, I like the teaching, but I am not as enthusiastic about being responsible for 20-40 people at a time. But I am going on a tour in a few days to Reno Nevada and we will see if that changes, as I will see how its all done. I have learned that training and development and such is something I could be really great at and if nothing else I feel more confident to go in that direction if this doesn’t pan out.

San Fran is such a great city. As part of the class I went on two tours of this fair city, and I have learned a lot. Even some of students who live in the bay area (there are three) say that they have learned a lot about their city. Tour Guiding in Chicago or SF or somewhere like that looks like it could be a lot of fun. You learn about where you are, and then you get paid to tell people all the cool facts that you learned. How cool is that?

My class isn’t quite over, but once it is I am going to try to meet some people and network, who knows, maybe I can move here.

Shifting Weather

Today the sun is out in full force; melting the fragile snow. I am hoping that it won’t be cold enough tonight to create slick, bone breaking ice. Just this weekend it was cold, and windy, and the earth was covered with white lush snow. Now the snow is melting and our solar panels are basking in the glory of sol again.

Yesterday I was in a foul mood, I have been letting this job hunt get to me, I have been letting this quarter-life crisis get out of hand and I felt really bummed about all the things I can’t seem to find a way to earn: work, relationships, a life. I knew I had cabin fever, from being cooped up with the parents, I knew I needed to GTFO! So I did, I asked if I could borrow the truck and go to the nearest coffee shop to at least be around other people. The place was packed and people were chatty. It was great! But, unfortunately, I was still in a foul mood when I left, knowing that nothing has changed, I am still unemployed, still living with the parents, still not living.

But after a night of sleep, things were better, things were much better. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, and I knew that nothing last forever, not even the frustrating things. I have a belief that if I stay proactive, and positive (for most of the time) and find creative ways to move forward, eventually I will do exactly that. The journey will sometimes be frustrating, but you gotta stay focused on the journey, and keep your eyes wide, because the chance won’t come again* to be this young and have this independence. I have goals, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy what I have now too: loving parents, an amazing base to fall back on, a sense of direction and the confidence that I will be able to make my dreams happen.

Just like that my heart thawed and I can get energy from the sun, just like the solar panels.

*Yes this is from Dylan’s, “The Times They Are A Changin”

Snowed In

Over the last weekend, the snow fell, and fell and fell until the whole world became a canvas for pee. My dog loves the snow and I can see where has done some of his dirty business… It snowed so much that Michigan declared a state of emergency. Except it was actually quite nice in my parents house. It seems some of thier rustic living in conjunction with their greening of the house made it a perfect house to be in during this snowpocolyps.  When my parents bought the house it came with an outside furnace which warms the water for the radiant heat system. They have enough wood to last a while. All we had to do was put in a few more logs and the house had heat.

As for electricity, my parents are very eco- conscious and very much trying to wean themselves off the grid as much as possible. They have installed a wind turbine and a solar system. They are hooked up to batteries that store the energy of the sun and the wind, which makes it handy when the conventional electrical grid falls-like it did this weekend.

The synergy of fire, sun, wind made it possible to be comfortable while storm raged on. Perhaps this is a lesson, we need to stop relying on ourselves sooo much, and find ways to work with nature to create more stable systems to survive. Just as permaculture shows us how we can integrate nature to help us grow food in easier, more effective ways, we should explore more ways to integrate nature with technology and design to create strong communities and stable systems so that when one thing falls (power lines) the whole system isn’t forced to a screeching halt, and that a snow storm isn’t a state of emergency, but just nature being wonderful and giving people a great chance to catch up on their reading.